Disclaimer: We are ordinary

We have been so overwhelmed by all the beautiful emails, Facebook posts and texts of love, encouragement and prayer. We have had some very interesting questions that I will address in a later blog, but I really felt in my heart that I wanted to be100 percent transparent with everyone.

I think it's so easy to look at a picture and facebook page and paint a picture of someone that's not 100% accurate because you don't have a window into the full truth. I'm not on to brag and I shy away from being the center of attention, BUT I started this blog for two reasons:

1. To shed light on the misconceptions and stigma that comes with HIV.
2. To help other families that might be sitting on the fence with adoption. 

My hope is that you will see the struggles and more importantly the beauty of adoption. We have adopted before, so this isn't our first rodeo, but it is still uncharted territory in many ways.

First, I want to make it very clear there is NOTHING extraordinary or special about our family or our adoption journey. I am just an ordinary, selfish person who daily relies on God to combat my natural tendencies. I have the same struggles and doubts as most everyone. For example:

• I'm not a patient person by nature
• I don't read my bible everyday - sometimes I find other things more important like tmz.com
• I want to control things
• I like shopping and vacations
• I swear on a daily basis
• I struggle with the "we want more! we want more!" mind mentality 
• My husband and I fight (some weeks more then others)
• I scream and get angry at my kids
• I doubt my ability to raise 4 kids and stay sane.
• We are working through anxiety issues with one of our sons
• I have a teenager and toddler at the same time - enough said
• I have thought, "Will I love him as much as I loved Ava when we adopted her?"
• I have thought about his health and being in a third world country. I've even thought, "What if he died before we get him home?"
• I wonder how his life will play out because he is HIV+: will he date? get married? have babies?
• I have thought about how costly emotionally and financially it will be to raise an HIV+ child
• We are not wealthy people. In fact when we said "yes" I looked at our bank account and said " dear Lord if you want this to happen you better make it rain" yes I said that.

I'm saying all this to show you there is nothing special about our family we don't have some special calling that no one else has.. We are an average, God-fearing family trying to navigate through this messy thing we call life. The ONLY small difference between us and others, at this point, is one simple, yet hard thing. We said YES. YES to a God who is bigger then our messy lives, and prides himself on taking ordinary people and transforming them into extraordinary people so Gods glory can be seen on the earth. We can't take any of this with us, so I would rather have God use my broken, messy life to help others, than watch the world and its hurting people pass me by.

I also realize that even on my worst day, our adopted son will be better off with a mom and a dad because the alternative would mean being raised in an institution. There is something beautiful about family - even the messy, jacked-up kind.

I was reading the book Anything by Jennie Allen when I got the email that started this journey. She writes, "We have become such a pragmatic society with our pros and cons and schedules that when we get to matters of radical obedience it's easy for us to talk ourselves out of it. We rationalize that if the cost outweighs the benefit, then we shouldn't do it." 1 Corinthians 1:18, 20 says ...... has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?"

Here's a few other books that have helped me in the last few years:

• Love Does by Bob Goff
• Crazy Love by Francis Chan
• The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns
• Radical by David Platt
• Anything by Jennie Allen 

At the end of the day, doing stuff like this is not about having a special calling or being special, it's just about simply saying YES.

Kelly